I'm one of those people who LOVE to choose gifts. The shopping aspect of the holidays is actually one of my favorite things about the season! And it's not only during this time of year that we choose gifts for others. Birthdays, anniversaries, and more special days fill our year.
Sometimes choosing gifts for others can be overwhelming or we don't know where to start. Gift cards or generic items can become the go-to just to check something off the list. And it's true, not every single gift we give has to be deeply sentimental or something custom made; we just want our gifts to feel intentional and personal.
This might sound completely counterintuitive, but here's the secret: instead of worrying about them, make it about you.
Yes, you read that right!
Often, we worry so much about hunting down what someone would like or something that would be the perfect fit. And while these things are important, of course, giving a gift is really about what makes this person special to you. Even if it's a coworker or an acquaintance, God put that person in your life for a reason. Thinking about your relationship to this person is a shift in perspective that takes the pressure off.
There's a very simple formula that can help in starting to think about intentional giving:
Reflect
Think about the person you're shopping for. As an example, let's say it's your mother-in-law (in future posts we will discuss less personal relationships like coworkers and acquaintances, but some of these questions would work for them as well). Ask these sorts of questions to yourself:
- What are some special memories I share with this person?
- What is a trait I admire about this person?
- How has this person blessed me or inspired me?
- Is there anything they've mentioned that's special to them?
- Is there anything they're dreaming about in the future?
- What causes me to have positive feelings when I'm with this person?
- What do I see God has gifted this person to do?
- Is there a way this person consistently helps me?
- What can I thank this person for?
The list could go on, but that always gets me started!
Connect
With those answers in mind, think about how you can connect your answers to a tangible thing (or an experience). Continuing with our example, here could be some things about my mother-in-law that I've reflected on (I have an amazing mother-in-law, but I'm using fictional answers so I don't spoil any surprises for her!):
- Every time we go to her house, she makes the best blueberry pie. I could get her a special new pie dish, a blueberry-scented candle, upscale kitchen items for baking, etc.
- She mentioned a song she loves that reminds her of God's peace. I could have the lyrics to that song written by a friend who has pretty handwriting and frame it.
- She has always wanted to visit Italy. I could create a basket with a book about Italy, a CD of Italian music, and ingredients to make an Italian meal.
- She mentioned her skin wasn't looking as fresh lately. I could get her a gift card for a facial and a soft new robe.
- She's an amazing grandmother. I could have a tote bag made with all the names of her grandchildren on it or create a photo book of special memories. I could record my kids talking about her and have other grandchildren in the family do the same, then have a tech-savvy friend compile it in a video.
- She once told the story of wanting a certain doll when she was a little girl. I could look on eBay and see if I can find the doll for her, all these years later.
This part takes a little practice, but once you get into the mindset of connecting, it's like a fun game! Thoughtful gift-giving requires that we become a student of other people, paying attention to them and really listening. But there is so much blessing in observing and learning people so that you can love them better.
Something I often do is make notes in my phone. Whenever a memory pops up or I overhear someone mention something that could be a good gift clue, I quickly make a note in my phone so I know I can always access it easily. You might want to start a notebook where you jot things down. Maybe you start a Pinterest board where you pin gift ideas you come across. Whatever your method is, it pays off!
This also works in reverse. If I'm browsing TJ Maxx and see a really cute cookbook with French recipes, my sister immediately comes to mind because she's always been drawn to French culture and has always wanted to spend more time there. Any time I see Winnie the Pooh, I think of my niece. When I see anything relating to Texas, I think of my dad. Even if there's not a holiday or birthday coming up, grab things as you see them to keep for a gift later or just send a "thinking of you" gift! I don't buy everything I see, of course, but it just creates that mindset of thinking of others.
Bringing It All Together
Once you select your gift, the final and most important step is to share with the recipient why you chose this particular thing for them. You could give a simple explanation when they open it, or write a note that shares your thoughts. Back to our example, if I chose a pie dish and blueberry candle, I could include a note like this:
You always make us feel so welcome when we visit! Knowing that we will get to enjoy some of your wonderful blueberry pie is special, and we appreciate you always taking care of us. Any time you light this candle, remember we love you!
Words matter! This takes any simple item and instantly creates something special. Even with something like a gift card, you can explain why you chose this gift and how you hope they enjoy it.
People just want to feel known. When you make an positive observation about their behavior, preferences or things you've noticed they like, it shows that they aren't just another person to you: they're special. They matter to you. Even if you buy your sister something like a new hairstyling tool, maybe you have a memory of playing hair salon together as children, and that's special to you. Maybe you see her taking care of everyone around her, and you want her to enjoy taking care of herself. Tell her that! You never know the impact your words could have.
When you start to think of gift-giving as an expression of how God loves us and you approach it from the perspective of celebrating who this person is to you, the process becomes enjoyable! God has given us so many gifts and it brings Him joy. When we give to others, we get a taste of that same joy!
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